Whispers of Light: Learning to Live with Grief
I chose to write about this subject because grief has struck so many people I know and love, including me, over the past year.
None of us are protected from it, and sometimes we just need someone to relate to us in some way, if only through an article.
Taking One Step at a Time
Grief is incredibly personal for us all. We are individually unique with how we process deep loss. For some, it arrives like a storm and rages for months or longer. For others, it is a dull roar in the background, subtly shaping each day. What’s certain is that grief doesn’t vanish—it becomes part of us. The task is not to “move on,” but to learn how to live with loss, to shape a life around it, rather than despite it.
There Is No “One Right Way” to Grieve
No two hearts mourn the same. Some people cry daily; others feel emptiness. Some will have obvious mood changes and exhibit anger, some find solace in creative expression, and some may turn inward with silence. None of it is wrong. What matters is that we honor our own pace and our own needs.
Some people will not approach you or speak about specific topics because they do not want to trigger a memory of your loved one. What they don’t realize is that - your loss and memories are ALWAYS with you.
That insight—loss is not a wound you forget, but a presence you learn to live alongside—can guide how we reframe our relationship with grief.
When “Never Goes Away” Doesn’t Mean “Never Changes”
Grief is not linear. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting. Over time, the shock softens. The sharp edges dull, though the memory remains.
Grieve the loss of a physical body and presence, but rejoice that that soul lived and you had the privilege to be in the same company.
That doesn’t mean we’re always strong. Some days, the weight returns. But in those moments, we remember that grief has changed from an enemy into a companion. It never goes away—it just changes form.
Helpful Suggestions to Take Your Step
Here are some practices and perspectives to carry forward:
Small goals, not big leaps. Maybe it’s just getting out of bed, drinking water, and sending a text. Some days “one more breath” is enough. Grief can feel suffocating but we all should remember that every day is a new day and we are still here for a reason.
Name your grief. Give voice to what you feel—anger, emptiness, yearning. Sometimes saying it aloud loosens fear.
Show up with yourself. Be present with your pain, even when you don’t know what to do. Sitting in grief is not surrender; it’s acknowledgment.
Express somehow. Write letters, speak to your lost loved one, journal, paint — let voice find form.
Seek presence, not perfection. Let others just be with you. Your pain doesn’t always need fixing…it just needs an ear or a shoulder.
Be open to meaning. Over time, some find ways their loss reshapes priorities, deepens compassion, or redirects life purpose. When my dad died suddenly, for example, it caused me to reprioritize what I wanted to do in life. It ignited a passion to experience life more fully. He proved to me that we do not all have the luxury of getting old.
Forestall regret. Say what you need to say while people are still here. Don’t let silence become a burden.
A Few Words from the Heart
I will admit that I am extremely stoic when it comes to grief. I am very good at placing it to the side. However, for me, I’ve learned I have to take a moment to myself every now and then … to just feel.
I learned from the very best growing up. My entire family, with the exception of one or two, have always exhibited healthy coping skills. They were the greatest teachers in calmness and patience.
I learned to detach and step up to the plate when I needed to and help others move forward in whatever creative way I could figure out. Being strong is a wonderful trait to have, but…we ALL need to have time alone and be silent, even if it's in small increments. Grief is not something we need to solve. It’s a part of us on our journey in this lifetime.
I lost a dog in my thirties and I have never felt grief like I did at that time. It was different. It was not the same as the grief I felt when a friend or even my dad died. It was much worse. I cried every day for quite some time, and I could not bring myself to sleep in the bed where she slept with me for over 2 months! I slept on the couch. And I was angry!
I bring that story up because losses mean something different to everyone. Most would not understand how losing my dog was worse than losing Dad, but it was. I didn’t anticipate it either. The important thing is that I can recognize that disabling sort of grief now. I caught me off guard. It taught me to embrace others trying to help and welcome efforts early.
Let yourself move at your own pace and let your memories and gratitude steer you into the light they want to show you. And remember that you are not alone.
Peace be with you!
Shelly
